Category: Blog

I thought I’d spend a little of my extra “spare time” (HA!) posting some of my thoughts about what I’m learning and who I’m meeting. My hope is that it will show the ups-and-downs of the experience and will remind everyone (including myself!) of both the successes and the setbacks. One of the many things that I admire so much about Barack Obama is that he keeps his cool all the time…he doesn’t get elated over the successes, but neither does he get rattled by the stumbles. I’m hoping to learn from him and do my best to follow his example in this.

Here is one definition of the word “naive”: marked by or showing unaffected simplicity and lack of guile or worldly experience.

Why do I bring this up?  Because I am, often, a painfully naive person, and if you follow this site, I think it’s important to know that the founder of the group struggles against his own naivete and his frustration at people who don’t see the world the same, open way.

Oddly enough, for a guy who grew up in a very socially conservative part of Dallas in the 1980’s, I really missed out on understanding discrimination, and I have my wonderful parents to thank for that.  I’m not sure if I even remember them ever mentioning race, come to think of it, which sounds like a perfect environment for someone to grow up in.  Just figure it out for yourself, kid.  Or ignore it.  Up to you.

I went to a conservative all-male prep school where, for most of my tenure there, I didn’t experience racism, sexism or classism.  We all wore uniforms, and even though we knew who had more money and who didn’t, the focus was really on intelligence, drive, determination.  The only thing that I grew up really disliking were people who chose to remain stupid and ignorant about anything…from spelling to treating someone badly because of their race.  I did hear racist remarks, but they were often from people who were not-so-smart, so I didn’t value their opinion.

Anyway, somehow I managed to just miss the fact that people were different races.  When pressed to think about it, I realize that it was a mostly white school, and race came up every once in awhile, but for the most part, I just didn’t see it.  I just wasn’t wired that way.

To this day, I’m still wired that way.  I live in the most ethnically diverse city in the world (or so I’ve been told), so I’m aware of the different races and all that, but it still isn’t ever the lead thing in my mind when I see or meet someone.  Are they thoughtful?  Do they seem nice or mean?  Do they smell funky?  These are the sorts of things which come up first in my brain.

Even this past week when we inaugurated President Obama, I had trouble relating to all the talk of race.   Because when I look at President Obama, I don’t see a black man.  (Actually, technically, a man of mixed ethnic heritage which I think is even cooler.  Talk about the Great American Melting Pot!…and yes, I’m a fan of Schoolhouse Rock for those of you who get the reference.)  I had to keep reminding myself that race was an issue.  I saw a brilliantly smart man.  I saw a progressive, forward-thinking, empathetic man.  I saw a handsome man with big ears.  I saw a family man.  I saw a sharp-dressed man.  But I had to make myself see his race(s).

So you’d think this would be a good thing, right?  Wow!  Someone who really just doesn’t see race!  He really sees people for who they are!

Well, you’d be wrong.

As a white male, I had it easy growing up and rarely had my views on race or gender or anything else challenged.  And because of that, I don’t get why people discriminate against each other.  I just don’t get it.  And while I am a very empathetic guy and I’m really quite good at seeing the point-of-view of someone with whom I disagree, I really don’t understand discrimination.  I get discriminating against someone because they are being willfully ignorant or purposefully mean-spirited.  I definitely get discriminating against someone because they smell funky.  But discriminating against someone for something they didn’t ask for and can’t control?  Just don’t get it.

And here I am trying to fight discrimination, something I admittedly don’t really understand.  Craziness.

So please know that my intent and the intent of everyone who helps work on this website is to bridge the gaps of understanding.  We want this site to be a resource to anyone who has questions about same-sex marriage, regardless of which “side” they are on.  And if you sense any frustration in these pages, please know that we are constantly revising and editing so that this will be a place for everyone to come and learn.  We are obviously for same-sex marriage, but please don’t think that we don’t understand that there are those who are opposed.

I started this group because I believe there is common ground.  I’ve lived my whole life thinking that if any two people really look for it, they’ll find it.  I hope we find it together.

I asked everyone to send an email to President-Elect Obama in regards to the very poor choice to invite evangelical Pastor Rick Warren to deliver the inauguration.  I was thrilled with the large number of responses I received from people telling me they’d taken the time to go to change.gov and voice their disappointment.  Below, I am going to post my email as well the response from my friend, John.  John is one-half of one of the 18,000 married couples in California; he is also up in the banner at the top of the page all the way to the left.

Here is his response:

I would like to voice my dissatisfaction with the announcement that the anti-gay pastor Rick Warren from the evangelical Saddleback church has been announced as President Elect’s choice to deliver the invocation at the inauguration. As a gay man, who was one of the 18,000 who did legally marry my partner in CA this past June, I find it deeply concerning that one of the first actions of President Elect Obama’s administration is to invite Rick Warren to speak and address the nation. There are far less inflammatory evangelical preachers that could have been asked to speak. This is a very troubling and disheartening first step for the administration to take with regard to the GLBT community.

And here is mine (of course, it’s a lot longer because, let’s face it, I don’t shut up!):